and Getting Lucky
The kid came home with a pair of jeans the other day. I have to say, jeans sure ain't what they used to be. Back in the Jurassic Park era, when I grew up, jeans were a punishment. They were dumpy looking play clothes that never fit because they were hand me downs. We had to “grow into them.” Well, the times, they are a' changin', and today, if you don't own a few pair of shredded, studded, embroidered, distressed, or just plain classic jeans, honey, you need to understand that the world is mocking you. You are your jeans. Be they low riders, boot cut, flap pocket, straight leg, relaxed, or fly front, throw out those polyesters and shop with me for a minute or two.
Apple BottomJeans: Priced somewhere between $30 $80 (depending on what size your apple is, I guess)
The middle child told me these all have an apple stuck on the back pocket, which distinguishes them from other brands. I might be a minority, but why should I pay a company to advertise their products? Shouldn't they pay me? Oh, well, let's take a peek at these.
Apple Bottom: Studded Filigree
Studded detail “adorns” the front and back of these babies, with “logo charm” wrapping it all together on the looped backside. Cripes, this sounds like a ball gown. I'd worry about one of those studs on the back loosening up at the wrong time. Nope. Not for me.
Apple Bottom: Distressed Embroidery
Yikes! Distressed hollister london is hardly the word for it. I'd hate to have one of those seams let go with me in them. Some innocent bystander would have me up on assault charges. Maybe we should try a different brand.
Lucky Jeans: Most priced around (cough, cough) $80 $100
Oh, great. I hope I don't get lucky here. It would take me a few months of writing to pay for a pair of these Lucky Jeans.
Lucky Jeans: Lil Maggie
Looks like Lil Maggie was bleaching her hair, and inadvertently splashed a dollop or two on her jeans. Whenever I had a blotch of something on my clothes that wouldn't wash out or couldn't be covered up, I'd toss them. Now, I guess it's fashionable. Who knew?
Lucky Jeans: Lola
Poor Lola appears to be deformed. I dunno, I always thought bow legs and knock knees were afflictions to be covered with a long skirt, but apparently they are now, well, a sign of the hollister london times. I don't have any space between my legs anymore. There is just a lot of noise down there now, from my thighs rubbing together, I think. Guess I'll pass on the Lolas.
Lucky Jeans: Sweet and Low
What kind of a name hollister hoodies for jeans is that? All I can think of is fake sugar, and diets. It conjures up the image of a porker like me stuffed in to something she has no business being in. By the way, I wonder if there an age limit on any of these jeans. If not, there should be. I'm not getting lucky here. They are the ultimate in skinny jeans. I shouldn't even be allowed on this site, but.
Jeggings: Helmut Lang
For a mere $205, I could own a pair of Helmut Lang denim leggings. Who could resist dropping a couple of hundred bucks for what amounts to a pair of tights? Well, gee. I could. How about you?
Jeggings: Juicy Couture
These remind me of what we used to call “peddle pushers”. Remember those? Capris? Clamdiggers? Anyway, I could run through a paint booth ballicky except for a pair of knee socks and get the same results. It's a good thing these jeggings have some stretch to them. If they were the cardboard denim of old, one could dislodge hollister online shop a liver while walking.
Jeggings: Citizens of Humanity
All right. That's it. Enough with this crap. Citizens of Humanity? Puh leeze. Can't I even look at jeans without being accosted with political statements? What the hell does that mean? If I don't buy these am I not a freakin' citizen of humanity? Aaargh! I'll show you holier than thou cretins pushing your own agendas. I'm going to Wal Mart. You coming?
The Contributor has no hollister jeans connection to nor was paid by the brand or product described in this content.
Published by Nancy V Canfield
Retired retro who writes during television commercials. If you're the type of person who doesn't like to take life too seriously, then we'll get along just fine. My family says I'm overly opinionated and bos. Here are some tips on what to look for!Inexpensive Father's Day Gifts: Jeans, Dinner and MoreLet's be real: Most dads don't really care much about the gift you give them, as long as it has some type of use or meaning to them.